Posted by: Jennifer | February 20, 2006

go ahead: pull the other leg

Dear Members of the Austrian Olympic Ski Team,

I heard that you have had some problems recently. There is a rumour that your living quarters were raided by the Italian police on Sunday in an attempt to find evidence of blood doping by some guy who was banned from the Olympics a few years ago. How terrible for you.

You would think that the police would have more respect for your situation. After all, you have races and contests to win and that can’t be done on no sleep, which is what ended up happening since you spent all night standing out in snow banks waiting for the searches to stop. You know, the police were probably in on it with the Italian ski team — you know, get you all tired and frustrated and then they can take over and win it all.

Plus, who are the police to tell you who you are allowed to associate with? I mean, okay, the guy in question (Walter Mayer) was found guilty of helping his athletes bend the rules a little in Salt Lake City. And the IOC did ban him from participating in any Olympic event until 2010. But that doesn’t mean that he can’t come to Italy and show his support for you guys, his friends. And that’s all that it was, right? Just a friend tagging along to be there for you.

Seriously, who the fuck do you think you’re fooling?

The guy had a blood transfusion lab set up in his room. Are you going to tell me that this is something that he just travels with, in much the same way that my mother brings her slippers with her whenever she goes away? Somehow, I do not find that to be a likely scenerio.

Here’s what I think: you were trying to get yourselves an extra edge and you got busted. The question of whether the police raid happened before or after you got the chance to switch your blood with someone else’s will be answered as soon as your test results come back. In the meantime, shut up and take your medicine.

Now, if you all happen to be found innocent of all doping charges, then I sincerely apologize for the content of this letter. However, I would urge you all to find new friends to hang out with. Just because you are innocent doesn’t mean that you can’t be tainted by the guilty, and Walter Mayer is guilty as sin.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Olympic Junkie

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