Posted by: Jennifer | September 21, 2005

there’s a first time for everything

Overheard at my desk this morning…

Crazy-Ass Customer: Yes, my name is Crazy-Ass Customer from NoLongerACustomer. I’m calling to lodge a complaint against you. I would like to speak to your manager.
Me: Well, I would love to help you, Sir, and I know that my manager would love to help you, but we actually aren’t allowed to have contact with you anymore. We forwarded your file to an associate of ours, Big-Time Collections, yesterday. By law, we cannot talk to you.
CAC: That’s what I wanted to complain about! You had no right to send me to collections! I had every intention of paying that bill!
Me: Sir, I really can’t have this conversation with you. If you would like to speak with someone at Big-Time Collections, I can give you their number. But if you have any questions or concerns regarding your account you really must go through them.
CAC: But you’re not listening to me! I had every intention of paying you the money. In fact, I have the cheque right here!
Me: Sir, for the third time, you…what? You have the money?
CAC: That’s what I’m saying! Why would you send me to collections when I was going to pay you? Now you’ve screwed up my credit rating for no reason!
Me: The balance on your account is over four months old. In those four months, I have left you one phone message per week letting you know what was owed and for how long. The one time that I did speak with you, you informed me, and I’m quoting here, that you “didn’t have a clue when the money could be sent.” We sent you a letter two weeks ago letting you know that if we did not receive the money by last Friday then we would be forwarding your account to collections. I even called you the following Monday to make sure that you got it, and once again I received your voicemail. Now you’re telling me that you had the money all along?
CAC: Well, yeah.
Me: Why didn’t you say something before? When we threatened to send you to collections, you should have let me know and we could have stopped this right then!
CAC: But I didn’t think that you would actually send me. No one else ever does.
Me: What do you mean, no one else?
CAC: We get threatened with collections all the time. No one ever sends us along and we pay the money whenever. I didn’t think that you would actually do it! And now my credit rating is ruined and it’s all because you guys are trigger-happy!
Me: Trigger-happy?
CAC: Yeah, that’s right. If you had just kept your pants on, you would have gotten the cash eventually. But noooo. You had to jump the gun. This is all your fault. What’s that banging noise?
Me: That’s my head slamming against my desk, Sir. You know what, you need to talk to The Guy at Big-Time. Through him, you can arrange to have the money sent to us. There’s really nothing that I can do to help you.

I got a call from the collection agency as I wrote this. They paid the collection agency using their Visa card and we are being sent a cheque by the agency. Minus the 33% collection fee, of course. Dumb ass.



  1. And he so deserved that!

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